#20
In the book The Perks of Being a Wallflower, there’s a quote that speaks volumes:
“We accept the love we think we deserve.”
While today’s question is about giving, it’s almost necessary to look at what we’re receiving or what we’re allowing ourselves to receive in order to get the full picture.
The way we give and receive might be 2 completely different love languages. We each have a duality when it comes to our love language.
For example, there are many things we can offer to the people around us as gifts:
books
flowers
messages of love and support
listening
cooking
experiences
investments
But do we expect the same list of things from them? Or is there an entirely different list?
It’s important to understand what you can offer to other people (what comes naturally to you to give), so that you can create more of it for others.
But this knowledge should always come hand in hand with knowing the other side of your love language – what is it that you actually desire or need from others, so that you can regulate your expectations accordingly and keep your ability to give unblocked.
We tend to block our ability to give when our own needs are not met. But how can our own needs be met if we don’t even know what they are?
So to sum up…
What we give to others is what comes naturally to us and what we feel that we can give. This might expand over time just as we expand over time.
What we receive depends on the level of understanding we have about our own worth, needs and identity. When we have limited understanding of who we are, we limit our own blessings, because we settle for things that we believe are “as good as it gets”. But here’s the thing – the limit to our happiness and fulfilment doesn’t exist. We create the limit and therefore we can change that limit.
This brings me to my last point.
When we give to others, there are also two ways of giving:
Giving what we feel comes naturally to us (our love language)
Giving what others actually need (their love language)
It’s okay to give what you feel called to give to others, even if that’s not their love language. But don’t get mad if they cannot see that this is your way of saying “I love you”, “I support you” and “I believe in you”.
Giving is about sharing parts of yourself with others – your skills, emotions, gifts and talents. It’s not about demanding that you receive in equal amounts.
But when you recognise what others actually need and get out of your comfort zone to make that possible for those you love, that’s when you expand your ability to give.
