#57
We spend a lot of our days chasing the words “I’m proud of you” from those around us, from friends and family members to colleagues and strangers. This is called external validation.
We often use external validation as a tool to measure our likeability (our perceived worth) by understanding how successful we are in the eyes of others.
Since we are social creatures, we like belonging – in relationships, communities, tribes, societal groups, you name it. Our likeability gives us an idea of how likely we are to belong where we are currently or where we wish to be in the future.
The problem with external validation, as you might have figured it out already, is that at its core it’s based on conditional love.
When we experience conditional love, we feel compelled to do certain things because deep down we believe this is the only way to get to our desired results (the desired love or approval from others).
“If I wake up early and go to the gym, my partner is going to find me irresistible.”
“If I sign up for this course and complete it, my colleagues are going to respect me.”
“If I change the way I dress and behave, my friends are going to adore me.”
The actions mentioned above are not bad, but if your intentions are focused on changing someone else’s opinion of you opposed to strengthening your own identity, they are based on conditional thinking and conditional love.
Here’s the big plot twist – conditional love starts and ends with you.
The moment you learn to embrace your authentic self with unconditional love, everything changes. Whatever you commit to doing, you start doing it for yourself and in doing so, you attract people into your life who feel similarly about life.
The moment you learn to say “I’m proud of you” to yourself, you break free from external validation as a means to an end and your relationships with others transform into a gateway to celebrating life together (not judging, criticising and belittling one another).
But as long as you hold on to conditional love for yourself and seeking the approval of others, you will spend your days nurturing your ego and not your soul.
What does the ego desire more than anything else? To keep you the same forever, so that you don’t actually grow, but grow more attached to it.
At the end of today, think of one thing you said or did that makes you feel proud of yourself. You are evolving every single day, learn to honour your progress accordingly and watch your life transform into a wonderful, connected experience 😊
